Heaven and All Its Problems
by jainanicole
Summary: She looks so content... I don't want to be the one to have to tell her this, to hurt her. Why am I always the bad guy? (Mulder POV; set during his second scene-at the children's home- in 'Emily') Please R/R.


HEAVEN AND ALL ITS PROBLEMS  
  
  
  
  
  
I enter the room quietly, not even bothering to knock.  
  
It is a bright yellow room, with Christmas lights strung gaily across the walls. Matching beds are lined up against the walls, lines of light- hearted soldiers marching into battle. A cheerful, sunny place...disguised to harbor the abandoned and abused. I hate to think about these children. They shouldn't be here, especially not around Christmas. They should be at home, with a loving family, opening presents and singing carols in that nonsensical, joy-infected way that children have.  
  
Not here.  
  
Not alone.  
  
I scan the room , my eyes dancing across the pastels beds and blankets, each carefully made neat and smooth. Finally, my eyes come to rest on the brilliant red of my partner's hair; a stark contrast to the rest of the room. She and Emily are at the far side of the room, sprawled happily on the floor. Emily is coloring, and Scully...well, Scully is just *staring* at her. She looks enraptured, completely enthralled with this little girl. And she has every right to be. Myself, I'm still having a hard time grasping that Emily is Scully's daughter. I find it hard to believe that such a miracle could happen, especially to us. To her. Of course, she deserves it -god, she deserves it- but past experience has shown that life and fate aren't too kind to Scully. I'm happy for her, of *course* I am, but at the same time I feel sad. I don't want to have to tell her what I have learned. I don't want to take away this happiness that I am seeing in her. And, yes, it's selfish, but -most importantly- I don't want to be the reason for her pain. I realize that I'm staring at her, at Emily, at those two sitting there so *happily*. Scully looks so content. I don't want to interrupt. It's rare that Scully gets a moment to just be happy. I am seriously considering leaving, but all of a sudden, Scully looks up and catches sight of me. Immediately, her face blossoms into a shy smile, and I find that I can't help but smile back. I walk over to them without even thinking, drawn by her contented, happy smile.  
  
As I approach, Scully clears her throat, and then begins to speak to Emily. Her tone is gentle, much gentler than I've *ever* heard her use before. She speaks as though she wants to please Emily, as though, with her words, she's somehow seeking her approval. I know that's ridiculous, but I can't help but think it.  
  
"Emily? I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. His name is Mulder. Remember, I told you about him?"  
  
Emily doesn't even look up.  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
I squat down next to them, resting on my heels. I wave to the girl, and say "hi", but she barely acknowledges me. She continues coloring, choosing each crayon carefully before scribbling it against the paper. Scully looks up at me, an apologetic grin on her adorable face.  
  
"She's a little shy."  
  
Yup, that's my Scully, master of the obvious.  
  
I try to draw Emily out of her shell, like I used to do with Samantha. Kids tend to open up more if you ask them about themselves.  
  
"What are you coloring?"  
  
She doesn't look up at me, but responds quietly, matter-of-fact-ly.  
  
"A potato."  
  
I smile, wanting to laugh out loud, but knowing that that would be rude. Leave it to her to choose a potato. This child may not have grown up with Scully, but I can definetly see Scully's mannerisms in her. For starters, as she's just shown, she's a non-conformist. Most other little girls would choose to color a flower, or a doll, or a puppy, or *something*. Not Scully's daughter. She's chosen a *potato*. In an odd way, it's adorable.  
  
"Have you ever seen Mr. Potato Head? He looks like this."  
  
I blow out my cheeks and roll my eyes upwards. Too late, I realize that Scully is watching me, as well. I feel my cheeks begin to burn. I must look *ridiculous*. Hastily, I correct my face, and plaster a weak smile across it. A quick glance at Scully tells me that she is smiling as well. *Broadly*. Oh, great. I have just made a complete fool of myself. Then I realize that she's not smiling at me, -*dammit*- she's smiling at Emily. I look at the child, and find that she is grinning shyly at me. Encouraged, I smile back.  
  
"Doesn't it?"  
  
Emily nods, her head bobbing up and down to reveal a slim white neck. I am shocked to see a tiny gold cross on a chain around her neck. Instinctively, I look at Scully, and my suspicions are confirmed. She is no longer wearing her necklace, her throat now looking bare and exposed. I am amazed. I have never seen Scully without that necklace, without that symbol of her faith and determination. And now.now, she has given it to this little girl, whom she's only known for a day or so.  
  
Scully seems to have noticed my observation. She rises to her heels and speaks to Emily in that same, gentle voice.  
  
"I'll be right back."  
  
She nods towards me, almost imperceptibly, but years of working with her allow me to decode her silent message. *C'mon*. We stand up, and she leads me away, towards the beds that line the room. When she speaks to me, her voice is back to normal: no less warm, but without that touch of love that it held for Emily. Instead, I hear gratitude. I can live with that.  
  
"Thank you for coming."  
  
I don't respond; CAN'T respond. My throat closes up as I remember why I came here. Scully must have seen the worry on my face because she adopts a similar look, her forehead creasing and her lips tightly pressed.  
  
"Something's wrong, isn't it?"  
  
How do I tell her?? There is no easy way to say this... I swallow, feeling guilty, and try to get the words to come out.  
  
"I found Emily's surrogate mother. I had Frohike hack into the California Social Services Adoption database."  
  
Scully looks up at me quickly, shock reflecting in her crystal blue eyes.  
  
"You got a name?"  
  
Dammit. I don't want to say this. I have to, though.  
  
"Yeah, her mother of record is one Anna Fugazzi."  
  
I allow a moment for it to sink in, but Scully doesn't seem to get it. She repeats my words back to me, sounding confused.  
  
"Fugazzi?"  
  
I can feel myself getting angry. Angry at the men who did this to her, to this child...who lied and decieved and covered up their work, just so that they could save themselves. Selfish bastards. I give myself a moment to calm down, and then begin to speak, but my words still come out sharp, tinged with bitterness.  
  
"Yeah, as in slang term for fake."  
  
Again, this doesn't seem to register with Scully. If anything, she looks even *more* confused. She speaks softly.  
  
"I don't understand. Why create a false record?"  
  
God, she seems so innocent. I try to explain, gently, but I know that it will not work. There *is* no explanation for this kind of evil.  
  
"Because there are no true records. Emily didn't come into this world through any system that keeps them."  
  
Scully looks wary, anxious.  
  
"How did she come into this world?"  
  
*Aww, Scully...if I knew that -truly knew the answer to that- I'd have told you.* I do have my suspicions, though, -don't I always?- but I've learned that it's best not to voice them until you're absolutely sure. I wonder if she suspects...  
  
"Have you asked yourself that?"  
  
She looks at me, horrified, and then she lapses back into her 'innocent' mode. I know that she is thinking the same thing that I am, though. She begins speaking, and it's too fast. I can tell something is wrong. She's stuttering, stumbling over her words.  
  
"Well, she was born to someone, she... she has to belong to someone."  
  
Now, she just sounds panicked, like she's fishing for reasons. I want to comfort her, but I know that there is nothing I can say that will make this better. I continue on with my bad news, my words sounding much harsher than I expect them to.  
  
"Someone, who's proven that they'll do anything to protect her or their interest in her."  
  
At that, Scully's eyes narrow, and I can see the fear in them quickly replaced by anger and determination.  
  
"I can protect her too."  
  
She has her chin tilted up defiantly, a gesture that I've come to recognize as one of strength. God, she's strong. I admire her for that. I consider her words... *I can protect her too*. I know you can, Scully, but it's not her that I'm worried about. I try to tell her that, but the words come out wrong.  
  
"Yeah, but who's going to protect you? Emily's adoptive parents are both dead, by no accident."  
  
Who's going to protect you? Why did I just say that?? I will, of COURSE I will. Now she's going to think that I *won't*, that I'm not behind her every step of the way. My mind screams out at her:* I am, Scully!*, but she seems completely oblivious.  
  
"I know... I've considered that, but I've also considered that there's only one right thing to do."  
  
I don't know how to answer that. I know what she wants to do. She wants to adopt Emily. I don't know if she's ready for this, if she's thought it completely through, or if she's just rushing in on blind faith. Blind faith. How...unlike Scully.  
  
A woman approaches Emily, and crouches down next to her. She speaks in that same voice that Scully did, soft and gentle and almost awed. What is it about this little girl that makes grown women melt?  
  
"Emily?"  
  
I turn back to Scully, a little voice in my head asking a nagging question. This can only lead to anger, but I have to know. Has she given up on my help? Does she not trust me anymore?  
  
"Why didn't you call me sooner?"  
  
She answers promptly, no hint of indecision in her tone.  
  
"Because I couldn't believe it..."  
  
*Surprise*. Once again, how characteristic of her. She continues on with her answer.  
  
"...But I need you now to be a witness on my behalf in this hearing."  
  
I don't *want* to be a witness, I don't want to watch her get hurt. There is no way that this committee is going to grant her custody of this child. I try to explain.  
  
"And I should have declined... if I never want to see you hurt or harmed in any way."  
  
She looks annoyed, let down. When she speaks, her voice has an edge to it, a sharpness of tone that wasn't there before.  
  
"Then why are you here?"  
  
Why AM I here?  
  
"Because I know something that I haven't said... Something that they'll use against you to jeopardize your custody of Emily. No matter how much you love this little girl, she's a miracle that was never meant to be, Scully."  
  
Scully looks hurt, betrayed, destroyed. I see her eyes jerk to the side, watching Emily, making sure that she isn't gone. Dammit, I feel like shit. Why am *I* always the bad guy...always the one who has to do this to her? Hurting Scully is the last thing in the world that I want to do, but it seems to be what I do best..  
  
Scully closes her eyes tightly, and then opens them. They are clear, no trace of tears. No trace of anything, except love. She leaves my side, and returns to Emily, sitting down next to her and watching avidly as she continues her coloring, seemingly oblivious to what has just happened.  
  
I don't know what to do, where to go, so I just stand there, watching.  
  
Watching a mother and her daughter becoming acquainted with each other, as no mother and daughter should ever have to do.  
  
Watching Scully fall in love, head-over-heels in love with this miraculous little girl.  
  
And praying that this isn't going to hurt Scully. 


End file.
